By Mimi Nichter
After pushing the send button, my excitement lasted for all of thirty seconds. It was quickly replaced by twinges of doubt. What had I done?
I’d written my first essay and submitted it to Newsweek . Well, not exactly my first submission since I’d published several academic books and over seventy journal articles. But this was different — this piece was based on personal experience not research findings. Having spent years avoiding sentences that began with “I”, an essay revealing my emotions was a big deal.
Half hour later, I meandered down a cobblestone street in the hillside hamlet of Certaldo, Italy into the writing workshop led by Allison K. Williams and Dinty W. Moore. Our group of ten writers were gathered around small wooden tables, their notebooks and laptops open. The craft lesson was about to begin.
Allison asked, “What did you learn or think about writing since class yesterday? Anyone want to share?”
“When you press send, the piece goes,” I said. “I submitted it.”
My fellow students chuckled, clapped, and cheered. They knew what I’d been working on. Allison high-fived me.
Why couldn’t I cheer myself on?
I’d just submitted an article with “timely” in the subject line. Hamas militants had attacked Israel, taken hostages, killed hundreds, and wounded thousands. Many of the hostages were civilians, ranging in age from infants to the elderly. The memoir I was working on was about being a hostage at the hands of Palestinian militants. Though my story occurred many years ago, there were obvious parallels between what I had lived through and current events.
If ever there was a time to write openly about my experience, it was now.
Another student in our workshop, Rebecca Morrison, had published many essays in popular news sites including Newsweek, Salon , the Today Show and The Washington Post . She shared that there was a formula for writing those pieces—and suggested it was not difficult if you knew the steps. “I can show you how,” she said, her voice lilting up enthusiastically.
Certaldo Writing Retreat
She was so welcoming and convincing I almost believed her.
“The first thing is to peg your story to a recent event,” she explained.
“I’m not sure how to do that. I’ve got a title… nothing else,” I offered.
“OK, let me hear it,” she said with interest.
“I was hijacked by Palestinian militants 53 years ago, I’m still a hostage.”
Her expressive face lit up. “Great, I love that! You can do it… you just need to write the essay , then pitch it to the editor .”
As I listened to her words, my inner voice shouted, “It may be easy for her, but it won’t be for me. How can she know how it‘ll turn out?” There they were again, those paralyzing thoughts that demanded I stop before I even began.
But then something happened, I started to believe it could work out, though I’m not sure what activated the shift in my attitude. Maybe it was being with a woman who exuded confidence. If she believed in my abilities, I could too.
“Any help you’d give me would be great,” I said. “Can we talk about my essay now?”
“Absolutely,” she said.
In another time and space, it would have been challenging to ask for help, to admit what I didn’t know. As a recovering academic, I’m used to being the expert. But our writing community is generous, and I needed advice.
After our discussion, I wrote the essay. I also reflected on my personal doubts. What was it that had held me back from writing about my own hostage experience? It may have been the queries for the memoir I’d written and how deflated I felt when I received silence or notes of rejection. I wasn’t prepared for that.
Though I was a well-respected and accomplished anthropologist, I forgot that it had taken years to become established. Wasn’t rejection part of all my academic submissions? Why should writing memoir be any different? I needed to be gentle with myself and not expect the same level of success I’d garnered in my first career.
About an hour after hitting the send button, I got a message from the Newsweek editor. “Wow, Mimi,” he wrote, “I’m so pleased you’ve sent this to me. Looping in my colleague Molly, who will pick it up from here.” I assumed this meant they would think about publishing it, but when I shared the email with Rebecca, she beamed, “You’re in,” she said, excitedly.
“I am?” I replied, doubtful as ever. “How can you be so sure?”
“He said ‘looping in.’ That means they’re taking it,” she explained.
“OK,” I mumbled. “I hope you’re right.” The article appeared two days later.
Here’s my takeaway: I thought I was coming to Certaldo for writing, but I came for self-confidence. I got it.
___
Mimi Nichter , Ph.D., is professor emerita at the University of Arizona, School of Anthropology. She is currently completing a memoir entitled Hostage: A Memoir of Terrorism, Trauma, and Resilience. Her recent Newsweek article can be found here .
All Rights Reserved Book Blog