How Grief Impacts Creativity
By Sweta Srivastava Vikram
This past year brought my family many reasons to grieve. In May of 2023, we received a call that both my father and father-in-law were admitted in the ICU. My hands quiver as I type this. We had seen them a month earlier in India and shared meals together. Both men in their 70s, they had their health issues. But there was no reason to believe that we’d be cremating them both a few weeks later.
It felt like a dystopian novel where someone was experimenting with a story idea, and I was the guinea pig. Yes, people lose their loved ones all the time. But two unexpected deaths within two days of each other is a whole other level of trauma.
After the rituals were completed, my husband and I returned to New York City. As soon as I landed, I picked up the phone to call Dad. That’s when it hit me that I was now an adult-orphan. Who was I to call now every morning as I sipped my chai ?
My father was an engineer by day and a poet by night who taught me that I would never be bored if I learned to befriend books. He also stressed the powers of the pen. When I was growing up in North Africa, he would find “banned books” and bring home printouts, a few pages at a time. My mother would be petrified, but the father-daughter duo would read, discuss, and burn the printouts together.
The summer after my father was cremated, I could feel my nervous system “battered” from being on edge constantly. I wrote essays and articles about grief, and shared Ayurvedic healing modalities with the world. Some research suggests that disclosing deep emotions through writing can boost immune function as well as mood and well-being. Conversely, the stress of holding in strong feelings can ratchet up blood pressure and heart rate, and increase muscle tension.
But I wasn’t inspired to work on my novel or the collection of essays that I had a contract for. My reality was so cruel that I couldn’t muster the courage to create an alternate world through my writing. I had no energy to research, journal, or even read. Grief is the ultimate thief of creativity.
The first few weeks after returning to NYC, I felt like I had developed a sleeping disorder—I could barely keep my eyes open. With nonstop condolence visitors for all of summer and the stories of their demise on loop, whatever little creative juice I had … it dried out. I was in survival mode. Please don’t fall sick , I would whisper to my body.
What people think of as an unproductive phase or writer’s block might just be unaddressed or unprocessed grief along with exhaustion.
It was on my father’s one-month death anniversary that I pitched The Loss That Binds Us: 108 Tips on Coping with Grief and Loss to Loving Healing Press. There was no grief manual when my father died, so I wanted to write one for others. When the agony of losing a loved one strikes, I hope this book will offer solace, comfort and even inspiration.
That said, I believe that not everyone needs to write to work through their grief. People find other ways. Writing The Loss That Binds Us gave me a purpose. But I was able to create because I did the other work of healing: rested, practiced self-care, talked to friends who work in the mental health space, hugged my cousins, ate mindfully, slept unapologetically, exercised diligently, held space for my grief (and my husband’s) and much more.
I still haven’t returned to working on my novel or the collection of essays. But I don’t judge myself for not meeting that next book deadline. It will happen when my mind-body is healed. Creativity needs roots, and I am in the phase where I am questioning mine. Experiencing the world from the viewpoint of an adult-orphan is overwhelming. I am questioning my identity and my relationship with India, the land of my ancestors. Who do you become when the generation above you dies?
Be gentle with yourself as you heal and grieve. A suggestion: as a writer, if you want to express your grief (and words won’t cooperate), maybe pick another creative expression like painting or photography where you don’t feel the pressure to perform. The final product and the activity don’t matter. But find an outlet for your grief. ___
Sweta Srivastava Vikram is an international speaker, best-selling author of 14 books, and Doctor of Ayurveda (AD) who is committed to helping people thrive on their own terms. Her latest book, The Loss That Binds Us: 108 Tips on Coping with Grief and Loss was recently released. As a trusted source on health and wellness, most recently appearing on NBC and Radio Lifeforce and in a documentary with Dr. Deepak Chopra, Sweta has dedicated her career to writing about and teaching a more holistic approach to creativity, productivity, health, and nutrition. Her work has appeared in The New York Times and other publications across nine countries.
