We all learn somehow
So, my brain is weird. Sometimes I just get things, other times I need a push in a direction. For context, I am... well I now identify as nonbinary but was going by cis before. I had been going by Mika and not Michael for years at that point. As a penname, and in real life since I just liked Mika better, it felt more... me I guess. It started as a way to have a nickname, I was in a college class with seven Michaels and later realized I had no nickname unlike all my siblings. As the most hated of my family, that kind of hurt even with everything else that went on,... Anyway, I was in my early twenties, and was only really just learning about Trans people, mostly in the wrong way through some bad youtubers, but the concept of trans people was hard to wrap my brain around. I was also going through a mind-numbing depression from regular suffering and bipolar. I lost years to it, about three to be honest. I was suicidal and realized I needed help, so I went to therapy. My old therapist from my teens saw me, hugged me and pushed me into her schedule because she was that happy to see me. At some point we started to talk about why I went by Mika, I explained and she smiled. She said that being Mika seemed to make me happier, bring out a part of me that I could reclaim both from my past and from within. I was better and happier as Mika, the simple act of changing my name healed a part of me... That, as odd as that sounds, really is how I started to understand the idea of being trans. That parallel was the bridge I needed to get it. To understand the concept, it was my lightbulb moment... I hope this helps anyone that doesn't get it, that is unsure or unclear on the concept. Even if it helps one person to understand our siblings in the trans community, then cool I did some good. If not, well I guess you know you have an ally in me even if I needed an odd way to understand... So... yeah. P.S. NO I am not equating deadnames to my experience, just noting the similarities... parallels help with understanding.
