Your OBGYN’s Pain Scale: An Interpretive Guide

“You won’t feel anything.” It won’t hurt per se, but it will feel like the nurse is dragging a bone-dry tampon out of your vagina over and over again. “This might be a little warm.” This will feel like the time you accidentally burned your hand on the stove, but only for a few seconds. “This might be a little cold.” This will feel like you’ve contracted instantaneous frostbite, but for more than a few seconds. “There may be some discomfort.” It’s going to hurt more than the worst period you’ve ever had. “You might feel a slight pinch.” You’ll think the nurse thrust a hot knife into your cervix, and then twisted it. “You may experience some cramping.” You are actually going through labor. “Most women experience 2-3 out of a pain scale of 10.” This procedure is a 10/10 on the pain scale. We’d say 11/10, but the scale doesn’t go that high. “You may want to take some over-the-counter medications beforehand to help with the pain.” If you were a man, we would absolutely give you morphine for this procedure. “This procedure can be performed without sedation.” Technically, a limb amputation can be performed without sedation too. “The sensation is similar to a PAP smear.” Death is preferable.