How have women without children made vital contributions to their communities?
Drawing inspiration from the life that teems in a “barren” desert, Elizabeth Felicetti reflects on the unexpected abundance in her own life and in the lives of historical women who did not have children. Women without children, by choice or chance, who have felt frustrated or voiceless in the church will find solidarity and inspiration in the pages of Unexpected Abundance .
Read an excerpt from Felicetti’s new book, Unexpected Abundance, below.
From the Preface
At the beginning of 2022, Pope Francis, speaking from the Vatican, criticized couples who have pets instead of children. Apparently, the pontiff believes that not having children is selfish and diminishes our humanity. He said something similar in 2014, including a statement that marriage without children is not fruitful. 1 Fruitfulness without children was a seed for this book. I often thought of the pope when writing about Episcopal priest Pauli Murray, who did not have children but did have dogs. Was Murray’s humanity diminished by her lack of children? Is mine diminished by my lack of children and my adoration of my rescue mutt, Pepper?
I’m not Roman Catholic, so I tend to regard pronouncements from popes as mere annoyances; but popes have the largest Christian platform in the world and his announcement troubled me, coming from a man who does not have children by choice yet has managed to build a fruitful Christian life. Christian women and men can and do lead fruitful lives without bearing children.
Gathering a group of childless women I could hope to emulate in some way within the pages that follow was a fun project. I did not set out to create a comprehensive, fully representative list that an academic might generate, but instead I followed my own curiosity and interests. The choices I have made reflect my own embodied experience as a female, cisgender, heterosexual, White Episcopal priest. I acknowledge the limits of my perspective even as I embrace my own lived vernacular. I refer to women and mothers and invite all people—men, fathers, nonbinary people, transfolk, and others—who resonate with my experiences to share this space.
I acknowledge the dearth of queer people in this book: homosexual, transsexual, and those with many other expressions of sexuality who frequently have fewer offspring than cisgender, heterosexual counterparts. I relied heavily on Pauli Murray’s own books as primary sources, and she was circumspect about her sexuality. Emily Blackwell has also been claimed by some in the queer community, but this was not something she was open about, so I am not comfortable speculating.
Mother’s Day, always on a Sunday, has long challenged me. I’ve tried to ignore it at churches I have led since the observance is not part of the liturgical calendar, but I do add a prayer that day concerning mothers (including those who have lost mothers or wanted to become mothers but could not) to our prayers of the people. After the service, people wish one another a happy Mother’s Day and then hesitate when they see me. I offer them a “Good morning,” but they try, in the words of Lisa Davison, to “motherize” me. They tell me that I am a mother to them.
St. David’s has been my passion for eleven years at the time I am writing these words, but I am not their mother. I have been achingly aware since my first day as rector, as my heart soared while I opened the glass doors and walked over the Celtic knot mosaic floor for the first time, that I was their rector temporarily. Motherhood, on the other hand, is forever. I’m grateful to be the rector of St. David’s, and I reject the comparison to motherhood. And no, I am not a mother to my dog. I also love Pepper deeply, as people with and without children love their pets, and Pope Francis’s words still irritate me.
I do not intend to add to the challenges that the recent COVID-19 pandemic has heaped upon parents. I hope that when parents read these pages, they will understand how some of us without children, whether by choice or not, have felt marginalized.
I hope my words and choices will reach someone pondering whether or not to have children, whether or not to adopt, how to go on after an abortion, or what step to take next after fertility treatments or adoption proceedings have not led to a child. I pray that this book will reach someone who is a mother and help her realize that those of us without children are still fully human, and that mothers and nonmothers can work together to try to make the world more hospitable for ourselves and those who come after us.
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