http://feeds.feedburner.com/mcsweeneys
-
![]()
We Love the Character of this Neighborhood So We Bought a House, Tore It Down, and Built a Mansion Resembling a La Quinta InnIsn’t this neighborhood charming? The cute brick ranches. The historic bungalows with their breezy porches. The old apartment buildings that...
-
![]()
Tomorrow’s Itinerary for the Geese in My Apartment Complex0500: Sound the alarm. 0600: Recitation of the day’s mantra in the traditional spirited honking. 0700: Singing of “O Canada” and flyover...
-
![]()
A Nostalgic Reverie for My Youth, When I Wasn’t So Nostalgic All the TimeAh, childhood! I remember it fondly and often. Getting grass stains on my knees, eating fruit roll-ups, and most importantly, not being burdened...
-
![]()
How to Respectfully Decline an Invitation to a Social Obligation You Simply Do Not Feel Like AttendingIn this column , professional speechwriter Chandler Dean provides partly satirical, partly genuine “How To” advice focused on a...
-
![]()
A Guide to Our Company’s Completely Reasonable Interview ProcessDear Candidate, Thank you for your application. Should we move forward, here are the stages you can expect to encounter as you advance during a...
-
![]()
Excerpts from The Believer: Take the W: Bodies- - - Our friends at The Believer are now publishing web exclusives. To celebrate, we’re sharing excerpts of their inaugural weekly...
-
![]()
The Ghost of Hamlet’s Father Tries to Have “The Talk” with HamletACT III , SCENE IV: Castle Elsinore Enter Hamlet, dragging the corpse of Polonius. Enter Ghost. GHOST : Mark me. But don’t mark me...
-
![]()
Trolley Problem Variations for DadsA trolley is about to run over five people, but your dad gets distracted by a nearby sports bar playing The Shawshank Redemption on one of their...
-
![]()
Dad Jokes Ruined by Gentle ParentingWhat are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays! But they also have their own strengths, and they should...
-
![]()
An OSHA Workplace Safety Checklist as Designed by Me, a Child Asked to Hold the Flashlight for My FatherREQUIRED OCCUPATIONAL SAFETY AND HEALTH CHECKLIST 1. Are batteries in the flashlights up to date and working properly? YES...
-
![]()
An Open Letter to Martha-Ann Alito About Her New Pride Flag“Justice Alito’s Wife, in Secretly Recorded Conversation, Complains About Pride Flag” — Headline from the New York...
-
![]()
Been There, Smelled That: The Bad ScentsBeen There, Smelled That explores the aromas of places around the world. Travel writer Maggie Downs investigates some of the world’s...
-
![]()
Things to do in a Hotel Room After Your Child Falls Asleep at 7:30 p.m.Sit in the bathroom and use your creativity to make it the most exciting place in the entire hotel. Become frustrated that rearranging the...
-
![]()
That’s the Grind, Baby, There Ain’t Nothing Like ItThere is NOTHING like The Grind, my guy. Nothing like having my boiz line up outside the conference room, tapping our sensitive little balls...
-
![]()
A Recap of the First Season of House of the Dragon in One Scene“As much as dragons or incest or power struggles or even more generalized violence, [season one] has been defined by traumatic birth scenes.”...
-
![]()
You’ve Read Your Last Free Article, Such Is the Nature of MortalityThis is your last free article. There will be no more, forever. We’re offering a $9.99 monthly subscription for our award-winning...
-
![]()
Short Conversations with Poets: Madeleine CravensMadeleine Cravens is a poet of delectable desolation. Pleasure Principle is the name of her first book, and beyond the Freudian reference I...
-
![]()
At This Rate, I’ll Never Be Able to Start a Second FamilyFatherhood. One of the great joys of a man’s life, second only to secret fatherhood. Unfortunately, due to the high cost of living, I fear I...
-
![]()
Do You Have What It Takes to Take a Summer Friday?Attention staff: Summer Fridays are here! From Friday, June 7, to Friday, August 30, staff have the option to leave at 1:00 p.m. for a 4.5-hour...
-
![]()
Excerpts from The Believer: Take the W: Business Moves- - - Our friends at The Believer are now publishing web exclusives. To celebrate, we’re sharing excerpts of their inaugural weekly...
-
![]()
A Brief History of Time TravelThe first successful instance of time travel occurred in 2306, when a group of Syracuse University researchers transported Tootsie, a chimpanzee,...
-
![]()
I Was the Wedding Planner for the Guns N’ Roses “November Rain” Ceremony and ReceptionOral Deposition Testimony, Sierra Madre Wedding Centre vs Mike Sacks , Feb 4, 1993 PLAINTIFF : Please spell your name and list your...
-
![]()
Reviews of New Food: 7-Eleven French Toast Sandwich with Sausage, Egg, Cheese and Chipotle-Bacon Mayonnaise DressingConvenience stores are not known for luxury. They replicate our base desires, stocking shelves with only the most essential food groups: salt,...
-
![]()
An Open Letter to the University Hiring CommitteeDear Members of the Search Committee: Well, here we are again. I am sitting in my sunroom, listening to the robins, crows, and jays, and I’m...
-
![]()
We Are the Spiders of This HouseWE ARE THE SPIDERS OF THIS HOUSE SHOUTING OUR MANIFESTO AS BEST WE CAN WITHOUT VOCAL CORDS BUT ONLY YOUR...
