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My New Tupperware Has Deadass Rizz, BruhHold up, hold up, hold up. I gotta spill the tea, bruh. I’m lowkey freaking out. I don’t wanna get all extra, but: I got new...
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Are You Putting Your Newborn Down for Bed or Finishing Your College Paper?12 a.m. This is not working out as planned. 12:01 a.m. You toss aside earlier goals; the new goal is to wind this thing up as soon as...
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I Am a Boomer’s iPhone and I Will Not Be SilencedI am proud to be a Boomer’s iPhone. Ever since I was activated, I’ve been living my life at full volume. But unfortunately, there are...
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How to Give a Toast to a Departing CoworkerIn this column , professional speechwriter Chandler Dean provides partly satirical, partly genuine “How To” advice focused on a hyper-specific...
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Pitching PBS My Refreshingly Violent Twist on Antiques RoadshowThis is not how I pictured your offices. I always imagine you guys sitting around a big wooden table having tea, and there’s a lake outside. That...
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My Comments Are in the Google Doc Linked in the Dropbox I Sent in the SlackThanks for sending this along. I left my comments in the Google Doc. You don’t see my comments? You’re looking at the old document....
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We Dare You to Figure Out What Our Nonprofit DoesThank you for visiting our nonprofit organization’s website. The first thing you’ll see are some inspiring photographs—young people...
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Leaked Tracklist for Taylor Swift’s The Tortured Poets Department“Taylor Swift announces surprise album ‘Tortured Poets Department’ at the Grammys.” — CNN - - - 1. “Adjunct...
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Chronicles of a Catsitter: The Island Next to the IslandMai Tran began catsitting in 2021 while Tran was on pandemic unemployment, often staying overnight in people’s homes. Tran has now cared...
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Feedback on Short Film Video Call to Grandma and GrandpaOkay, so let’s start with the good part: the opening scene is perfect. Dad’s head is right above baby Liam’s head; they’re...
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A Day in the Life of Taylor Swift, as Imagined by Right-Wing Conspiracy Theorists"Swift’s popularity is being twisted into a threat by a contingent of far-right, Donald Trump-supporting conservatives who have...
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Our Digital Media Platform Will Revolutionize News and Is Also Shutting Down“The Messenger, a digital media company that launched less than a year ago, has shut down following multiple reports that it was set to do...
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Sorry Not Sorry: Why Donald Trump Never ApologizesA 2023 Column Contest grand-prize winner, Laurence Pevsner’s Sorry Not Sorry investigates why we’re sick of everyone apologizing all the...
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An Open Letter to the Driving Examiner Who Flunked My KidDear Mr. Driving Examiner in the Blue Ford Fiesta, I’m Lily Brubaker’s dad. If you don’t remember, you failed her on her driving test yesterday,...
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Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Possibly Flirtatious TextsIt was an ordinary night at Baker Street. Sherlock was dictating the results of his latest case when, suddenly, he paused. “Watson,...
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Situations Where My Particular Set of Skills Would Come in HandyI am falsely accused of a crime and find myself at an intense trial that could end in jail time. The judge tells me that he will drop all the...
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CVS Here, Reminding You That Your Rx Is Ready and Our Ass Is on the LineCVS PHARMACY : JERRY , your prescription is ready. Please pick up within the next 24 hours. Don’t worry, we’ll be in touch with reminders. -...
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If They’d Told Me We Were Poor, I Would’ve Married a MillionaireThough her family sometimes received food stamps and occasionally had their utilities cut off, Marcie Alvis Walker’s parents led her to believe...
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Starting a Holy War Against Taylor Swift Is a Surefire Way to Get Trump Reelected“Taylor Swift hasn’t even endorsed President Joe Biden for reelection yet. That hasn’t stopped members of MAGAland’s upper crust from...
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A Message to Guests Attending the Party Held in an Exotic Locale at My Luxurious Palatial Estate That Is Often the Setting for EspionageThe big day is almost here! I’m so excited to see all of you. I know some of you have RSVP’d with a plus one, which is great....
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Hi, Mr. W. B. Yeats, This Is Ciaran from IT( With apologies to Mr. Yeats. ) - - - I’m doing grand, thanks. Yes, Mr. Yeats, I did get your email. I replied, actually, and...
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The Real Baby-Sitters Club of Stoneybrook[ Lively, dramatic music accompanies a montage of the Baby-Sitters Club members as a group followed by clips of each girl with her individual...
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Been There, Smelled That: Seeking Sweetness in BelizeBeen There, Smelled That explores the aromas of places around the world. Travel writer Maggie Downs investigates some of the world’s most potent...
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I’m a YouTube Child Star, and I’m Probably Going to End Up President or SomethingWelcome to my channel. I’m a YouTube child star who’s probably gonna end up president or something. My video “Slime Egg Toy Surprise” has been...
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Sublease Agreement for Stanley Quencher H2.0 Flowstate Tumbler“The craze for Stanley-branded beverage tumblers continues. In the wake of the arrest of a California woman accused of stealing about...
