http://feeds.feedburner.com/mcsweeneys
-
![]()
Letters to Moms: Letter to the Virgin MaryIn this column , Kristen Mulrooney writes letters to famous mothers from literature, TV, and film whom she finds herself relating to on a...
-
![]()
User Guide to the Relative Making You Do Tech SupportCongratulations on purchasing a new Xee-Whiz Smart Wi-Fi Socket. While installing this device is so easy you could do it in five seconds, this...
-
![]()
A Day in the Life of “Mister” Anthony Fauci, as Imagined by Marjorie Taylor Greene“Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, R-Ga., refused to address Dr. Anthony Fauci as ‘doctor’ and called for him to be jailed during...
-
![]()
My Life in Opposite LandIn Opposite Land, Oreos are a nutritious superfood. In Opposite Land, I have no unwanted facial hair. All of my facial hair is wanted. In...
-
![]()
We’re Having a Get-Together. Could You Bring Your Massive, Poorly Trained Dog?Hey man, we’re having a little get-together in the park this weekend. I would love it if you could make it. We’ll have snacks, and you...
-
![]()
Sorry Not Sorry: The Pope’s Contradictory ApologyA 2023 Column Contest grand-prize winner, Laurence Pevsner’s Sorry Not Sorry investigates why we’re sick of everyone apologizing all...
-
![]()
Overheard at the Lesser-Known Dinosaurs Support GroupMamenchisaurus: I know I shouldn’t, but I still find myself going through the picture books, looking at all the brachiosauruses and...
-
![]()
“Why I Am Still Voting for Donald Trump” Mad LibsThe worst has happened. Donald Trump is a convicted felon, and it’s all because he [ FALSIFIED BUSINESS RECORDS / HID THE TRUTH FROM...
-
![]()
Excerpts from The Believer: Take the W: Parker- - - Our friends at The Believer are now publishing web exclusives. To celebrate, we’re sharing excerpts of their inaugural weekly...
-
![]()
HELP PROVE I DID NOTHING WRONG BY SENDING ME MONEY IMMEDIATELY“I’M A POLITICAL PRISONER ! … I DID NOTHING WRONG ! … My end-of-month fundraising deadline is just DAYS AWAY !” — Donald Trump on his...
-
![]()
Every Conversation Between Every Parent and Their Child After One Year of CollegePARENT 1: Welcome home! CHILD : Manipulative! PARENT 1: Wait. What? CHILD : Toxic! PARENT 1: Who? Me? CHILD : Narcissist!...
-
![]()
Family Tours in the Kingdom of the Sick: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Patient PortalWhen COVID struck Rebecca Saltzman’s family, the virus unmasked a life-changing discovery: her husband and two of their kids had genetic...
-
![]()
All My Exes Are Dating Each OtherThey found one another. Of course they did. It doesn’t matter how. Fate finds a way. I see some of them sunglass-faced sitting outside of cafés...
-
![]()
Excerpts from an Epic Fantasy Novel Where the Protagonist Is Over Thirty“We must journey forth,” commanded the good Wizard Byroncorn to Luanne Wyldsmith, the graceful ager and chosen one, user of hyaluronic...
-
![]()
If They’d Told Me We Were Poor, I Would’ve Gathered More RosebudsThough her family sometimes received food stamps and occasionally had their utilities cut off, Marcie Alvis Walker’s parents led her to...
-
![]()
Reasons Why Tort Lawyers Hate MeI rock large appliances and furniture back and forth, ensuring that my body is beneath them. I remove all tags from my towels and mattresses...
-
![]()
God’s Slack Channel for #RevelationAnd on a Thursday afternoon, God created the #Revelation Slack Channel. God Time to get this party started! Or more like ENDED ?!...
-
![]()
Pep TalkI can tell what you’re all thinking. Those guys in the other locker room are bigger than us. Stronger. Faster. Hell, they even got prettier...
-
![]()
I Am the Only Person on the Fury Road Who Still Drives a Sensible CarWhen the world died, all that was left was chaos. All that awaited us was death. Living in the ashes of our civilization, I’ve learned two...
-
![]()
Excerpts from The Believer:: Take the W: Interpretations- - - Our friends at The Believer are now publishing web exclusives. To celebrate, we’re sharing excerpts of their inaugural weekly...
-
![]()
A Rejection Letter for Heart of Darkness, Written by Dani Hatcher—the Sixteen-Year-Old Daughter of Laura Hatcher, Senior Editor at Random House—Who Has Been Freaky Friday-ed into Laura’s BodyDear Joseph (we’re both adults, so I can call you by your first name), I regret to inform you that we cannot accept your book Heart of...
-
![]()
I’m Voting for Him, Not Endorsing Him—There’s a Huge Difference“Nikki Haley says she’ll vote for Trump, despite previously saying he’s ‘not qualified’ to be president.” –...
-
![]()
If I, the Heiress to a Pickle-Manufacturing Magnate, Can Make It in This Business, Anyone CanTo outsiders, my multimillion-dollar artisanal pickle company may look like an overnight success, but I can assure you it was the result of a lot...
-
![]()
“The Three Little Pigs Are Hurting Their Own Cause,” an Op-Ed by the Big Bad WolfThe little pigs are their own worst enemy. Don’t get me wrong, I want to support the little pigs. Plenty of folks like me sympathize with...
-
![]()
How to Craft a Eulogy When All You Want to Do Is Crawl in a HoleIn this column , professional speechwriter Chandler Dean provides partly satirical, partly genuine “How To” advice focused on a...
