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Email Greetings for Modern TimesHi Steve. Hope the air where you are is somewhat breathable today! Just wanted to circle back around on that report. - - - Dear Judy, I...
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Sorry to Interrupt This Wilco Festival, but There Are Some Bad IPAs Going AroundLet’s hear it for Wilco! I’m going to let the band get back to it in a minute, but first, I need to make an important safety...
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YouTube Yoga for South-Asian AmericansWelcome to Yoga with Aditi. I’m Aditi, and the man snoring in the corner is Biju Uncle. Today’s yoga series is for my fellow South Asians. Hop...
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There’s Nothing Like Getting Cozy in Your Favorite Chair and Opening a New Goodreads TabA dreary afternoon. Rain patters against the windows. You’re inside getting cozy in your favorite recliner, about to open a new Goodreads...
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Lindsay Lister’s Op-Ed to the Stars Hollow GazetteDear Townspeople of Stars Hollow, You know me, Lindsay. While not the town’s prodigal daughter, I am also a young woman who was born and...
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I Regret to Announce That I Will Not Be Canceling My Plans with You TonightIt is with a heavy heart that I declare my intention to keep our dinner plans for tonight. I understand that this news may come as a shock, given...
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Famous Taglines That Have No Sexual Innuendo WhatsoeverSkittles: “Taste the Rainbow” Red, orange, yellow, and so forth. Finally, a candy fit for the whole spectrum. With this deliciously...
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Really? You’re Too Good for Our Newsletter? WowWould you like to sign up for our newsletter? Yes! No thanks. I’m a big dumb dumb. I win the award for Biggest Dumb Dumb every single year....
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Other Election Fraud Indictment Quotes That Indicate Co-Conspirator 1 Is Probably Rudy Giuliani“Co-conspirator 1 is described in the indictment as an ‘attorney who was willing to spread knowingly false claims and pursue...
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I Am Trump’s Criminal Lawyer’s Criminal Lawyer’s Criminal Lawyer’s Criminal Lawyer, and Once Again, I Have No Fucking Clue What Is HappeningGood day. I survived the civil suits (so far) and just received a check from a Super PAC’s Super PAC’s Super PAC’s Super PAC . And now I’ve...
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Short Conversations with Poets: Mary Austin SpeakerA few months before Mary Austin Speaker moved away from New York, her city of many years, she started writing poetry on her train commute across...
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I’m a Four-Year-Old on Prednisone, and I’m About to Bench Press this Power WheelsLook at me! No, don’t look at the lollipop in my hair—look me in my unblinking dilated pupils. This nasty skin rash, which I probably...
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Captain Ahab’s Third Hour Playing the Claw Machine at Dave & Buster’sGather round, men, for tonight I shall finish my mission of vengeance against this cruel machine that mocks my attempts to understand the ways of...
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Things I Definitely Wouldn’t Bring If I Were Stranded on a Desert IslandMy sister’s baby Definitely wouldn’t bring my sister’s baby. That would be so unwise, so I can confidently say I...
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This Summer, I’m Gonna Totally Bang Emily DickinsonI get what I want, and this summer, I want Emily Dickinson. She is the hottest girl in Amherst. Did you see that white dress she insists on...
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Dangerous Children’s Picture Books That Could Be Lurking in Your HomeChicka Chicka Boom Boom Some people are wising up and removing this bawdy board book from impressionable kindergarten classrooms. The title...
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Summer’s in Full Swing at the Clam ‘n’ PuttOur family has been FRYING UP CLAMS at the Clam ‘n’ Putt for more generations than we can remember. When it’s summer, you...
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Take a Break from Earth’s Heat and Come Cool Off in Hell“Earth just broke records for its hottest day” — Vox (7/26/2023) - - - We can’t believe we’re saying this,...
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We Promise Our STEM Toys Will Never Teach Your Child the HumanitiesWe realize there are a lot of educational toys out there, particularly those that teach STEM skills (science, technology, engineering, and...
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I’m the Sapphic-Coded Best Friend in a Movie or TV Show, and I’m Definitely Not Queerbaiting’Sup. It’s your best friend, Avery or something. As you can tell from the wind-whipped hair on the non-shaved half of my head, I rode...
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How to Ensure Your Annual Beach Vacation Destroys Your Relationship with Your Extended Family1. Rent one big house together. Working “together” to choose a house, everyone should drag their feet and be overly polite until the...
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Use My New Slang in Meetings and Score Accordingly“You can still circle back and touch base. But the vernacular of work life for many has changed just as much as their work has.”...
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The Louvre Is Thrilled to Announce It Is Rebranding to “UVR”“X is the future state of unlimited interactivity—centered in audio, video, messaging, payments/banking—creating a global...
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Short Conversations with Poets: Daniel Brock JohnsonDaniel Brock Johnson’s second book of poetry, Shadow Act: An Elegy for Journalist James Foley , is a representation of the relationship between...
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Breakup Clichés with Cheryl, a Sassy ’90s Sitcom Character[ CHERYL and ADAM sit on a designer couch in their West Village apartment that they can afford even though they don’t really seem to work....
