http://feeds.feedburner.com/mcsweeneys
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A Camping Trip with Young Kids, as Imagined by Me Before Having KidsThe two-hour drive on winding mountain roads is pleasant, since my twin preschoolers have only ever listened to hip indie music, so we never have...
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Men’s Hand Motions When DancingSteering the horsecart Priming the generator Drawing in the day’s catch Bongo drum solo Vulcan greeting Praise the...
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What Your Choice of Wedding Registry Gift Says About YouThe Least Expensive Thing on the Registry: You are cheap, sure, but they wouldn’t put the gift on the registry if they didn’t want...
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Your OBGYN’s Pain Scale: An Interpretive Guide“You won’t feel anything.” It won’t hurt per se, but it will feel like the nurse is dragging a bone-dry tampon out of...
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Can You Believe This Cabin Has Trivial Pursuit?Kids, come quick! While this little cabin may not have Wi-Fi, TV, or even bathrooms, you know what it does have? A well-worn copy of Trivial...
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Seven Bikini Poses That Won’t Send You to the Hospital, Probably1. From Behind Like a Baddie Show off your booty with this classic bikini photo taken from behind. Look back at the camera by craning your neck...
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John Hancock Explains His Big SignatureDear Fellow Signers of the Declaration of Independence: Now that our noble document is complete, it is time to address the elephant in the room:...
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Definitions of Popular Gen Z Terms from the Founding Fathers’ Dictionary of Patriotic American English“Streaming” [verb / strEEm-ing]: Crossing a medium-sized body of water in short trousers to rescue one’s horse and carriage from sudden peril....
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Indiana Jones and Cleaning Out Your Parents’ House- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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We Struck Down Affirmative Action Because We Believe People Only Deserve Extra Consideration If They Let You Hang Out on Their Boat“Justice Samuel Alito took luxury fishing vacation with GOP billionaire who later had cases before the court.” — ProPublica...
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Ron DeSantis’s Fourth of July Party Prep ListJune 15-22 Order fireworks from AmericanMadeFireWorks.com Screen bakeries to find one that hasn’t made cakes for gay weddings, Disney...
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Hey, It’s Me, God, Your Totally Not Vengeful New LandlordIn the beginning, I created the apartment and the lease. Then I said, “Let there be tenant”; and there was tenant. And I saw the...
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Summer Air Travel Tips from Apocalypse Now’s Colonel Walter E. KurtzThe hunt begins at birth; the mission becomes clearer and clearer. But no man can act alone. By cross-referencing Google Flights, Kayak, Expedia,...
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Short Conversations with Poets: Paisley RekdalPaisley Rekdal’s work is urban, the poetry an explosion of language, the ranging cast of mind in the spirit of Albert Goldbarth or Linda...
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Streetwear Brand or Eighteenth-Century Skin Condition?1. Bleb 2. Etnies 3. Furuncle 4. Stussy 5. Mormal 6. Kith 7. Lues 8. Vetements 9. Milk Leg 10. Cav Empt 11. Icterus 12. Huf 13. Dropsy...
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W. H. Auden’s “Funeral Blues (The Practical Version)”Stop all the clocks, cut off the… What? Yes, stop all the clocks. Yes, all the clocks. Sorry? I do realise there are lots of clocks. Just...
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Amazon Product Names for Famous Literary Objects1. Green LED 3-Mile Range Wistful 48-Lumen Yearning Light 2. Real Conch Seashell Power-Wielding Natural Persuasive Shell 3. Novelty 14...
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What Your Favorite Game Night Game Says About YouClue: You have a favorite TV detective and are prepared to defend your choice with specific supporting details. Catan: You enjoy asking...
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My Plan to Destigmatize Mental Illness Is to Blame Every Societal Problem on People with Mental IllnessesFriends, the days of mental illness being too taboo to discuss are over. The time when mental illness existed in the shadows, stigmatized or never...
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George Orwell or My Pug Who Hasn’t Eaten in an Hour?1. “We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness.” 2. “I’m talking about the kitchen—just to be clear—at my food bowl.”...
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You Don’t Need to Bring a Gift to Your Supreme Court Hearing. But If You Must, Here Is My Justice Registry“Justice Alito defended himself in a pre-emptive article in the opinion pages of The Wall Street Journal before the news organization...
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Even If I Had Been Aware of Ernst Stavro Blofeld’s Connection to Those Supreme Court Cases, My Recusal Would Not Have Been Required or Appropriate“Supreme Court Justice Samuel A. Alito Jr. took issue with questions raised by the investigative journalism outlet ProPublica about his...
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I Don’t Care What You Say, Brian, That Benihana Wasn’t in the Basement When We Bought This HouseSure, Benihana has over 110 locations worldwide, but I know most are not in the basement of a two-thousand-square-foot single-family suburban...
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A Parent’s Dream Summer CampWelcome to Dream Summer Camp, where we are here for you and your family. We offer tailored camp experiences for your child, individualized for...
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Short Conversations with Poets: Hanif AbdurraqibHanif Abdurraqib’s A Fortune for Your Disaster is a book of poems that feels like it got written not because the poet thought he should...
