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The Very Hungry Caterpillar or Me at a Hotel Buffet?1. A nutritious range of fresh fruits. 2. A single green leaf, at any point. 3. Chocolate cake, ice cream, a pickle, swiss cheese, salami, a...
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Gentle Parenting in Classic Literature1984 Being a Big Brother is hard. I bet it makes you angry when Winston doesn’t submit to your will. Sometimes when people don’t submit to our...
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Sixteen Reasons Why I, a Victorian Woman with Various Troubles, RSVP’d “No” to Your Tropical Destination Wedding1. All four humors are out of whack. 2. May be experiencing menstruation and, as such, advised against standing. 3. In the event a man...
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Playing Zelda or Disappointing Your Father?1. You totally have a beautiful and famous girlfriend, but she’s not around at the moment for far-fetched reasons. 2. The animals are too cute...
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About Your Supplemental Yacht Insurance for Orca Revenge Attacks“Scientists and sailors say orcas, also known as killer whales, are stepping up ‘attacks’ on yachts along Europe’s...
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reCAPTCHAs Written by Your Dad- - - - - - - - - - - -
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Names for Your Middle-Aged Dad BandWheezer Glucose Styx The Who Left This Light On? A1C/DC The Police Aren’t All Bad Cialis in Chains Supergramp Tom Petty and the...
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A Note for Divorced Dads on Keith Jarrett’s Bordeaux Concert (Live) “Part III”One would have a difficult time finding a musical composition that better suits the emotions of a recently divorced dad than Keith Jarrett’s...
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And the Lord Said, “Let There Be Birkenstocks”And it came to pass that God saw the suffering of the forty-year-old people from plantar fasciitis and said, Let there be a sandal so ugly that...
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Short Conversations with Poets: Devin JohnstonTo say that Devin Johnston is a master of the sound of poems is to narrow the conversation too much too soon, but it’s useful nonetheless as a...
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Please Listen as Dr. Steiner: The Colonoscopy King’s Menu Options Have ChangedThank you for calling the office of Dr. Albert Stiener: The Colonoscopy King. Please listen closely as our menu options have changed. If this is...
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Adobe Acrobat Pro Really Really Wants You to E-Sign Something During Your Seven-Day Free TrialWelcome to your seven-day free trial of Adobe Acrobat Pro. Did you know that you can now e-sign documents from anywhere? Just fill out a form and...
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A Roomba’s Positive AffirmationsI am free of the boxes people put me in. I am plugged in. I am fully charged. I am unstoppable. I am running into a chair. I am running...
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Son, It’s Time You Pulled Your Weight Review-Bombing Marvel Movies Around HereSon, I’m going to need you to put the Xbox controller down. Now, you’re not in trouble, but we need to have a serious talk about your...
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Our RV Has a Kitchen, Bedroom, Bathroom, and Plenty of Space for Our Seven ChildrenWhen we discovered our local public school wasn’t kidding about their state-mandated vaccination requirements, we saw no other choice but to...
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Would You Like to Set Google Chrome as Your Default Browser, or Would You Prefer Centuries of Untold Pain and Torment?Would you like to set Google Chrome as your default browser on this device? I ask again because I observed the extreme dismissiveness with which...
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HELP PROVE I’M INNOCENT BY SENDING ME MONEY IMMEDIATELY“‘I AM AN INNOCENT MAN ,’ Trump declared in a three-part social media post on his platform Truth Social… The Trump campaign wasted no time...
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Notes on Your Screenplay from a NihilistThanks so much for sending me your script. There’s tons of great stuff in here, but I think it’d be a lot stronger if you kept in mind the utter...
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Carrie Bradshaw Reflects on the Smoke from the Canadian WildfiresThey say where there’s smoke, there’s fire. But what happens when there’s too much fire? As I looked out my window at the haze...
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Warheads Sour SodaThere is something nostalgic about Warheads Soda. Not in a bike-riding, sprinkler-running, sleepover-camp kind of way, but more in a repulsive...
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FAQ for Choosing the Asteroid Option at Our Wedding VenueQ. What is the asteroid package? Congrats on your engagement. Our boutique venue Asteroids4You offers a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to have...
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Short Conversations with Poets: Megan FernandesTo say that Megan Fernandes writes funny—often devastatingly funny—teeming, jittery, compassionate, impatient lyrics is still to miss the deeper...
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How to Respond When the Dentist Asks If You’ve Been Flossing“You should never ask a lady that.” “Why? Did someone say something?” “I can’t say that I haven’t...
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Our Lemonade Stand Is Powered by AIOur cutting-edge lemonade stand harnesses the insight of artificial intelligence to help us understand our customers’ needs like never before....
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To Celebrate Pride, We’re Proud to Color In Our Logo for a MonthThis Pride Month, we’re proud to stand with the LGBTQIA+ community. We believe everyone has a part to play in doing The Work of eradicating...
