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Dogs Named After MBTA StationsRuggles: Puli, named by the kids. Tolerates (barely) their “Ruggles snuggles.” Wonderland: Retired greyhound. Amory:...
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A Letter from the New Corporate Owners of Hooper’s StoreResidents of Sesame Street, Thanks to all of you who have stopped by these past two days to say hello, howdy, or hola, and then asked for honey....
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How to Find Your Size in Blue JeansFor the Gentlemen 1. Get out your measuring tape. Measure your waist. 2. Measure from your crotch to your foot. 3. Take those two numbers in...
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Our Seventh-Grade Band Concert Tickets Are Now for Sale on Live NationDear Parents, We are pleased to announce that Adams Middle School has partnered with Live Nation to make it easier for you to purchase tickets...
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You Think I’ll Buy That Just Because It’s Pride-Themed? Because You’re RightHey marketing team for every major brand: Do you really think that I—a proud, rational, and tasteful LGBTQ+ person—am going to...
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An Open Letter to My Breasts on Their Working Conditions and Recent Complaints of “Burnout”Dear Breasts, First off: I see you. I want you to know that. You have tirelessly nourished two demanding infants over countless hours of your...
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If What Millennials Were Taught in School Were Actually UsefulMy spouse Robin and I start our morning by enjoying a well-balanced breakfast of cereal, a glass of milk, and a backup glass of milk. While we...
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Short Conversations with Poets: Katie Farris“Why,” asks Katie Farris in the title poem of her new book’s opening poem, “write love poetry in a burning world?” Except that in her title...
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Taylor Swift Answers Walt Whitman’s QuestionsWHITMAN : Are you the new person drawn toward me? SWIFT : Saw you there and I thought, “Oh, my God, look at that face. You look like...
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Reasons Your Dog Is a Better Health Care Provider Than Your DoctorYour dog takes a highly individualized approach to your care. Instead of saying your Vitamin D is low and suggesting you get more sun, your dog...
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I’m the Epigraph to the Novel You’re Reading, and I Don’t Know Why I’m Here Either“epigraph, n.: a brief quotation placed at the beginning of a book, chapter, etc.” —Webster’s “Loneliness took me for...
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When to Turn Your AC on in New England: A Decision Guide- - - SEE ALSO : When to Turn Your Heat on in New England: A Decision Guide
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We at Waystar Royco Sincerely Apologize for Any Abuses That May Have Occurred at a Bluestar Sleepaway Camp+ Experience PropertyWe recently learned that Bluestar Sleepaway Camp+ Experience, Waystar Royco’s newest venture in premium edutainment catering to our most...
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A Day in the Life of a Woke Third-Grade Teacher, as Imagined by a Far-Right PoliticianThe alarm blares, and I wake up with a renewed vigor to indoctrinate America’s youth. I ride my bike to work, smugly turning up my nose at real...
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I’m Your Mom Playing a Video Game, and I Will Turn This Avatar Right Around If You Don’t Watch Your Tone of VoiceStop yelling at me. I don’t know why I’m plowing into this corner either, but the harder I push this toggle-pusher thingy, the harder...
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Our Upscale Casual Intimate Bustling Restaurant Brewery Bar Isn’t Trying to Be Too Many Things at OnceA lot of thought went into the concept and design of our space and we can’t wait to share it with you. First, we wanted the restaurant to feel...
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Nicknames for My Precious Breastfed Baby Inspired by Common Garden WeedsMilkweed Scurfpea Creeping Buttercup Sticky Willy Adder’s Tongue Hairy Bittercress Wild Madder Couch Grass Stinging Nettle...
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I Support Banning TikTok Because I’m an Out-of-Touch Thirty-Something with No Interest in Figuring Out How to Use Yet Another Social Media PlatformMontana has become the first state to completely ban TikTok for its residents , and I for one couldn’t be more supportive. As a proud...
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End-of-Year Dorm Move-Out Procedures That Will Make This Anything But a Smooth ProcessCongratulations, you’ve made it to the end of the year. Here are a few tips to help you move out of your dorms: Log on to your housing portal...
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Someday, Sarah, Our Ship Will Come in and We’ll Move Back to the Neighborhood We Used to Live in Before We Got Priced OutSomeday, Sarah, our ship will come in, and I’ll buy you a diamond as big as your eye and a mink coat to rival any movie star. And then,...
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Famous Male Rock Bands’ and Artists’ Names If They Went to TherapyThe Police — The Firemen Foo Fighters — Foo Non-Violent Conflict Resolvers Grateful Dead — Grateful We Got On the Right Dose of...
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You’re Going to Love Camping, According to Me, Your Outdoorsy FriendYou’re going to love camping. Trust me, it’s awesome. The multi-mile hike to the campsite is super rewarding. Carrying your clothes,...
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So You Need Grad Student HousingDear Applicant, Congratulations. You have been admitted to our prestigious graduate school program, which will not drastically improve your...
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HBO’s Sensitivity Reading for EntourageWe at HBO recognize that our audience’s values have evolved. Similar to the recent edits of Agatha Christie and Roald Dahl, we will be...
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Cat Food Flavors Made by CatsVarious houseplants in a shrimp pan sauce The bottom half of a mouse with pizza grease Rubber bands and hair ties in whole milk Raw chicken...
