http://feeds.feedburner.com/mcsweeneys
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Academic Regalia, ExplainedAt college graduations, the faculty wear dark flowing robes, satiny hoods, and puffy hats. Look closely, and you’ll notice little...
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Short Conversations with Poets: Randall MannIt’s an event: Randall Mann’s work is now gathered in Deal: New and Selected , a volume of poems as rich as they are chiseled. Mann is a love...
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South Asian Americana: The Immersive VR ExperienceHave you ever wondered what it’s like to be a South Asian American in today’s political climate? Are you looking for a cultural experience that...
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I’m the Person Who Designs Open-Plan Office Spaces, Despite Never Having Actually Worked in OneI’m the person who designs offices that have no walls or sound barriers so you have a tighter sense of community while you and your coworkers...
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The Pros and Cons of Diets I Have TriedNoom Instructions: Pay seventy dollars a month to count calories in an app and receive daily reminders that celery is less calorie dense than...
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Signs from the AMPTP Side of the WGA Strike Picket LineIF YOU HATE BILLIONAIRES , WHY ARE YOU ALL SO OBSESSED WITH SUCCESSION ? WRITERS ARE GREEDY (<— THIS SIGN...
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I Will Defend Free Speech to the Death. Or Until an Autocrat Asks Me to Stop“Elon Musk is facing heavy criticism for Twitter’s decision to censor tweets at the behest of the Turkish government right before...
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How Urgently Your Mom Needs to Talk to You, Based on What She Said in the VoicemailVoicemail: “Hi, sweetie. No big news over here—and no rush to call me back.” Urgency: I am bursting to tell you HUGE NEWS . (The township...
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I’ve Just Discovered the Next OpenAI to Invest In: A MomFROM : Jason Finch, senior associate TO: All partners, Quartz Oak Venture Fund MEMO : Incredible early-stage startup for our AI tranche:...
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Places to Cry Over Your Impending Divorce, RatedIn the bathroom on your first Hinge date after a man with one really long fingernail pressures you to set up a cryptocurrency wallet on your...
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Annie’s Vegan Mac Shells & Sweet Potato PumpkinLast week I was walking back from the subway after a day in the office, chastising myself for yet again not thinking in good time about how I...
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This Counterfeiting Ring Needs to Make Some ChangesThanks for coming, everyone. We all know why we’re here: our counterfeit money operation is in danger of going belly up. Now, I don’t want to come...
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A Guide to Midwestern Cursing“Oh, for crying out loud.” For fuck’s sake. Is this a fucking joke? “Get outta town.” Are you fucking...
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Short Conversations with Poets: Brad LeithauserBrad Leithauser has been publishing poems and novels, much of it brilliant work, for forty years. When he was a young man he imagined writing a...
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The Fückin’ Rad Art of Swedish Death Metal Cleaning“The idea behind [Swedish Death Cleaning] is simple: At a certain point in your life, you should stop accumulating more stuff and start...
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American Infrastructure Has Failed Me, a Farmer with One Wolf, One Goat, and One CabbageThe slow failure of our infrastructure is a crisis that everyone knows about, but no one wants to talk about. We all see the problems and know...
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But Is It Bespoke?Have you, yourself, described it as being bespoke ? If yes, it is absolutely bespoke . If not, it might still be bespoke . Don’t get...
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I Know the Motive Behind Every Mass Shooting“When asked by CNN to respond to critics who argue that ‘thoughts and prayers’ are not enough to prevent mass shootings,...
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It Was Hard to Start This New Business with the Millions I Made from My Previous BusinessEveryone wants to know how I started my very successful business, and I’m honored to share my path to greatness with you. The answer to how...
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Excerpts from AI-Written Rom-Coms That Prove Human Writers Are Obsolete“The Writers Guild of America is seeking to restrict the use of artificial intelligence in writing film and television scripts. Hollywood...
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Serving Meals to Young Children or Working in an Upscale Restaurant?1. Many dishes are served in a deconstructed manner, with no components touching each other. 2. There is a lot of concern over one tiny drop of...
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Why God Decided Dogs Can’t Live as Long as PeopleHey, it’s Me, God. Not to toot My own horn, but I think I’ve been knocking this creation thing out of the park. I mean, I’ve...
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Yoda Botches Five Classic Jokes1. In love two melons are. Yet run off and marry they do not. Why? Because elope, they cannot. - - - 2. On a seafood diet, I am. Food...
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If Elected President, I Promise to Slaughter Mickey Mouse“Beef between Disney and Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis shows no sign of abating.” — Axios - - - My fellow Americans, we have...
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How White Men Fight, According to Tucker Carlson“I was watching video of people fighting on the street in Washington. A group of Trump guys surrounded an Antifa kid and started pounding...
