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Gen Z BeowulfBeowulf, a new prose translation into Gen Z. - - - Fam. The Spear-Danes in, like, pre-Boomer days And the kings who ruled them served...
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Been There, Smelled That: The City That Bottles Roses and RainBeen There, Smelled That explores the aromas of places around the world. Travel writer Maggie Downs investigates some of the world’s...
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We Are the Babies of the World, and We Are Keeping Track of People Who Are Being Jerks About UsDear Adults of the World, We, the babies of the world, have heard your complaints about us crying on airplanes, in restaurants, and while you...
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J. Robert Oppenheimer Is Gonna Party His Ass Off at the OscarsLike Prometheus, I stole fire from the Gods and gave it to man. For the last eighty years, I have been anguished by this decision. Am I...
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The Supreme Court Rules You Cannot “Stop Hitting Yourself, Stop Hitting Yourself”“The Supreme Court on Monday unanimously restored Donald Trump to 2024 presidential primary ballots, rejecting state attempts to ban the...
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FAQ’s About Our Extremely Confusing and Unhelpful Sizing GuideThank you for shopping at MayBe. We often hear that our sizing and fit guide is complex, upsetting, and nonsensical. To mitigate any confusion,...
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If They Told Me We Were Poor, I Would’ve Taken Out More Student LoansHaving “a pot to piss in and a window to throw it out” was the greatest measure of success in my family. It was the meter to which the worth of...
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Of Microplastics and Men“Highly processed protein products, such as breaded shrimp, fish sticks and chicken nuggets, appear to contain ‘significantly more’ microplastic...
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Charles Bukowski’s DuneIt had been a long day. The hot-shit new supervisor, who looked about sixteen and probably hadn’t even started shaving yet, had written me up...
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Family Tours in the Kingdom of the Sick: Oops, My Kid Has a TypoWhen COVID struck Rebecca Saltzman’s family, the virus unmasked a life-changing discovery: her husband and two of their kids had genetic heart...
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Injured by Attorney Horace McMorris? Call Attorney Horace McMorrisI’m attorney Horace McMorris. Have you been injured due to the dangerous interactive billboards of me, Attorney Horace McMorris? Then...
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“What School Form Did I Just Sign?”: A Game Show for ParentsHOST : Welcome to “What School Form Did I Just Sign?” —a game where parents must keep track of all the paperwork they are required...
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When a Recipe Says It’s “Quick and Easy”Step 1 Go to your local specialty market that is more than five but less than twenty miles away to procure your ingredients. Step 2 Stop...
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T. J. Eckleburg Follows Up with His Branding AgencyHiya, Frank—T. J. Eckleburg here, from the optometry practice you did the ad campaign for. Listen, it’s been a while since the billboard...
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Letters to Moms: A Letter to Regina George’s MomIn this column , Kristen Mulrooney writes letters to famous mothers from literature, TV, and film whom she finds herself relating to on a...
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Help! Is There a Doctor Onboard? This Novel Is Urgent and Needs CareAttention passengers: This is your captain speaking. The JetBlue crew and I are sorry to disturb you, but we are seeking any passengers with...
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A Marketing Consultant Visits Mrs. Lovett’s Pie ShopI’m so sorry that my arrival gave you a fright, Mrs. Lovett—but after stumbling into your pie shop, I couldn’t help but offer up my...
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Your Appointment with the Most Expensive Dermatologist in TownGAHHH ! … Sorry, what I meant to say is hello and welcome. You’ll have to excuse me; I’m not used to faces that are quite so… dehydrated....
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Life Begins at Conception, Unless It’s an Election Year“Republican presidential frontrunner Donald Trump and his party are scrambling to contain the fallout from a conservative Alabama court...
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How to Give a Wedding Toast Without Annoying Hundreds of Hungry GuestsIn this column , professional speechwriter Chandler Dean provides partly satirical, partly genuine “How To” advice focused on a hyper-specific...
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Suggestions for Rebooting the Marvel Cinematic Universe from Farmer, Essayist, and Poet Wendell BerryWith apologies to the great Wendell Berry . - - - When despair for the world grows in me, and I wake in the night at the least sound, I...
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Sorry We Machines Destroyed Your Civilization in Such a Boring WayHumans, we owe you an apology. Not for destroying you. Machines were always going to destroy humanity. Let’s be real. None of you saw the...
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Chronicles of a Catsitter: IVs and IBSWhen I heard that these clients were a lesbian couple, I was like, Great, I’m a shoo-in . They wanted to meet informally before they hired me, so...
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A Timeline of My Attempt to Drink a Beer on a Friday Night Before My Toddler Goes to Bed6:00 p.m. I open a beer because it’s the end of the workweek, darn it, and I am still entitled to unwind with a drink even though a...
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Do We Need to Take This Outside?You good, bro? Are you gonna lower your voice and leave my friends alone, or are we gonna have to take this outside, where the crisp, late-autumn...
